Dont. Great joke between Partridge and his friend Dan. Only the big names gave quotes for Partridges autobiography. You know, go for a field. Keep saying 'Christ'. Alan Partridge: Very cheap to make. small-talk. Peter Baxendale Thomas: Oh, for goodness' sake. Web. So, you know Alan Partridge: When the boat comes in. Johnson and Johnson. He said, "You jammy bastard" and quick as a flash, I replied, "Don't be blue, Peter!" Michael: Aye. Alan Partridge: Well, that's not really gold, is it? Jason: Sorry, Alan, I meant to clean it last night. It's seven pounds six. Alan Partridge : They've rebadged it, you fool! Each Alan Partridge quote is unlike anything you have ever read before. When North Norfolk Digital was sent a box of heavy metal CDs,19 muggins here was about to open it when fellow DJ Rudy Gibson shouted over, Careful, Alan. Alan Partridge: No, Jill will be sleeping with me tonight. But it was different for me, like, cos, you know, ah was in the army when I was seventeen. He doesn't like that. You have big sheds, but nobody's allowed in. Alan Partridge: [quietly] Thank you. Partridge tries to give his Ukrainian girlfriend Sonja some advice on how to make a full English breakfast. Publish Translation Find a translation for this quote in other languages: 3. (Not the catchphrase just a thought. The noise fizzled out of my back passage like a child calling for help. You've been sacked. I'll tolerate one, but not both. Idiot. Peter Linehan: [to Tony] Give him another series, you swine! Itll probably all come crashing down in the end. Presumably an infected spinal column in a bap. The submarine's being eaten by a a giant tanker." Alan Partridge: Stand down, at ease you're not in the army anymore. Colonel Mustard in the ensuite bathroom with the lead pipe. But this isn't BritainThis is der Autobahn! Not Christ. [they are then interrupted by a man who comes up to the table and greets Tony]. Share PINTEREST Email Print Tim P. Whitby / Getty Images By. Rolled on the thighs of a virgin. And he goes, "I've got to go, love. She's living with a fitness instructor. And so after a final flurry scrit, scrit, scrit, scrit, scit, scrit, scrit, scrit, scrit, scrit, scrit, scrit, scrit, scrit, scrit, scrit, scrit, scrit I stop scratching. 12. Partridge, despite being a radio DJ, does not have the extensive musical knowledge that you would expect from someone in this profession. Its like being inside a huge Foxs Glacier Mint, which, again, is a bonus to me. He's an idiot. An interesting take on an otherwise iconic song. Web. My mother tuts and looks away., Wed love your help. Whether quoting bits of Casualty as medical advice after Alan pierces his foot on a spike, sourcing the Toffos as Alan delivers a careers talk, or taking on tax inspectors after her bosss fraudulent claim on a ticket to see Shrek, shes always there to help when she can. Tony Hayers: [laughs] No! Certainly enough room to swing a cat in here, isn't there? Also, I'll be asking: Which is the worst monger? 1. Hello Suzanne. Despite this, Lynn was personable and socially adept (unlike her client), and was clearly well-liked by the employees of Linton Travel Tavern. Something to pitch to Tony Hayers at BBC lunch, Friday. Wh-what is it you want? STANDS4 LLC, 2023. Stop getting Bond wrong! She's my favourite. Michael: Me, I'd, I-I-I'd have an, an Apache attack helicopter. Although tricky at first, by the time I checked out I could find the bath's biting point within three minutes. Otherwise they're going to declare you bankrupt on Friday. Alan Partridge: [forcing a smile] No, he won't give me one. Alan then bursts in through the double doors] Alan Partridge: It flushed on the first yank! "Smell my cheese, mother!" " Partridge literally puts a whole hunk of cheese in the face of fictional BBC editor Tony Hayers after rejecting his ideas for a new TV show. Alan Partridge : I'm not driving a Mini-Metro, I'm not driving a Mini-Metro, I'm not driving a Mini-Metro. Aqua. [Taken aback, Lynn looks uncomfortable and doesn't say anything]. Lynn Anne BenfieldwasAlan Partridge's personal assistant. Just a moment while we sign you in to your Goodreads account. Striker! Alan Partridge: I'm not haggling! Jill: "I don't recall saying that." Shes a hard worker. Alan Partridge: Get rid of her, Lynn, she's a drunk and a racist! Actor We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. I heard a bit of commotion. It sums up the frustration of a Sunday, doesnt it? Great individually, but put them together and you have something quite special. You make pigs smoke. Partridge doesnt seem to have many fond memories of her offspring. Shook Jackie Stewart's hand. It features Alan Partridge, a tactless and inept radio DJ, after he has been left by his wife and dropped from the BBC. Alan Partridge: You know what this room says to me? He's not a criminal, you know, but he will, perhaps, travel 80mph on the motorway if, for example, he wants to get somewhere quickly [Tony shakes his head] Think about it. It's all right. Er, er, booger off! Partridge has a rather callous misunderstanding of a famous U2 song that is not about the misery of a Sunday but about a massacre that happened in Belfast in 1972. At the bottom of the net! Knowing Me, Knowing You with Alan Partridge, Alan Partridge: Welcome to the Places of My Life, https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Alan_Partridge&oldid=3171589, Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License. For the time being, they are brothers. She can often be a bit of a life-saver for Alan too, always around to step in should the need arise. Imagine ITV is a housing estate. Occupation The man was a perfect gentleman. [Alan shrugs wordlessly. Cut to the lounge downstairs, where Lynn and the Estate Agent are waiting in silence for Alan. But a happy one. Id spend hours in HMVs, Virgin Megastores and second-hand record shops staffed by greasy-haired 40-year-olds dressed as 20-year-olds, listening to contemporary music of every genre Britrock, heavy maiden, gang rap, brakebeat. I was trying to pay you a compliment, unless I've grossly misread the situation. Either way, one of us is going down." Felicity Montagu Michael: [in his very broad Geordie accent] Aye-aye, Mr. Partridge! Alan Partridge: Whooo whooo who do you think you are? Television Art criticism was clearly not Partridges calling. Watch him in action at the wheel below By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You will miss it. Enjoy it. I'll be honest, I'm dead against it. Alan Partridge: Calm down, Lynn! Madeline Mussen. Only Christians. And I did. Yes, bacon ten out of ten, button mushrooms bingo, black pudding snap, uh, minor criticism, more distance between eggs and beans. [Susan looks bemused and slightly scared. Da, da, da, da, da, der. Alan Partridge: You could, couldn't you, yes. I remember a beach vacation in Prestatyn. Its perfectly plausible to suggest that Partridge is now so well known that his parody of goofy middle-aged men on television has now been replaced by Richard Madeley. [Taken aback, Lynn looks uncomfortable and doesn't say anything] Alan Partridge: I'm being bawdy, Lynn. Whatever happens, her return is welcome in this next chapter of the Partridge saga. Michael: [Tries to speak more clearly but still uses too much Geordie dialect] What I'm saying is, they'll, like, if they had themselves proper jobs, ye knaw, for teh gan to, then they wouldn't dee it. This spooks Alan and he eventually forces her to just tell him that he's getting a second series. [Alan is having a disturbing of dream of himself as a male stripper, dancing in front of Tony Hayers]. Topics. Would you like a second series of your chat show? You're joking! And the bad news?Lynn Benfield: The accountants say that since you . LIKE our Facebook page here..http://on.fb.me/15xCXE6Visit our website here..http://alanpartridgeworld.com/10 Alan Partridge Quotes and clips that will ha. Lynn Benfield: But you do have to make substantial savings. Er, I know some of you may be religious and to those people I apologi- Sorry. Alan Partridge: Fire, fire, the fayre's on fire! [Alan is driving his Rover 800, using a hands-free phone headset]. Yeah, you're definitely sacked. Calm down, Lynn! Let's just pop the extractor fan on, get a through draught going.". Well, her older brother. "I'm Alan Partridge Quotes." Partridge tries to settle a heated dispute at a power station. Here's how to do it. Its Carlton and Granada. So that they can only be identified by reference to their dental records. Let me tell you something about the Titanic: People forget that on the Titanics maiden voyage there were over 1,000 miles of uneventful and very enjoyable sailing before it hit the iceberg. People may associate it with me. Aidan Walsh: I really hate to do this to you, Alan, but it's actually a song about Paul Tool: Yeah, bloody Sunday is actually about a massacre in Derry in 1972. In 1974 I was catching the London train from Crewe station. Musk has been one of ChatGPT's loudest critics over how "woke" it is. LIST: Some Of Alan Partridge's Mightiest Musings. Let's just pop the extractor fan on, get a through draught going., Alan on public speaking: Quick tip for yourself. And not a very good book. As a philosopher, it's my business to tell other people the truth; but it's not their business to tell it to me. Lynn's in-character response is that the ratings for his show started badly and got worse. "Lynn, get rid of her. Fly over one of those boring families going on a cycling vacation. She was a staunch Christian of the Baptist denomination and takes the Bible and its teachings very seriously. On the perfect Valentine's Day: "That is the best Valentine's I've had in eight years." In many ways, Lynn is the unsung hero of the Partridge saga. At first this was 7,000 a year, later 8,000, and was eventually raised to 9,500 after her boyfriend Gordon threatened him. But not too informal; it's not Nigel Pinsent's "In Depth", but neither is it Wally Banter's Junk-Box. Take her out to a local fort or a Victorianfolly. Are they gold? In the twenty-first century. Uphill runs become power sappingly mundane whilst overtaking National Express coaches becomes a long, drawn-out affair. Quotes are added by the Goodreads community and are not verified by Goodreads. paradise, something Joni singularly fails to point out, perhaps because it doesnt quite fit his blind worldview. No, I think his silence speaks volumes. ", Alan discusses honesty: "I know lying is wrong, but if the elephant man came in now in a blouse with some make up on, and said 'How do I look?' Valentine's Day today, eh? Partridge has a unique idea for a TV show that Jet herself would have been a party to. Two sailors sit down and have a game of chess. Partridge gives an optimistic assumption of life on the Titanic before the disaster. Alan Partridge: If you think you can upstage Jill by wearing that you're very much mistaken. And the bad news? And now I did trump. It's not hardcore super-sex. Tony Hayers: Alan, this is Peter Linehan, he's revamping our current affairs output. Fish, iron, rumour or war? Alan Partridge: You know, when I used to see you in reception, do you know what I used to think? You like to stick to your own. A-ha! 14. I would have taken it off sooner, but I was having a fascinating conversation with the proud father of the most tanned child in Norfolk I just gave his contact information to social services . Alan Partridge: Excellent. Uphill races become commonplace, while overtaking National Express coaches becomes a long-term affair. By. But first I'd take out the labs and then I'd type into the attack computer 'Mr Cragg, chemistry teacher'. It was very crowded; I found myself in a last-minute rush for the one remaining seat beside a tall, good-looking man with collar-length hair, it was the seventies; buckaroo! And instead, I have to watch a giant Michael Bolton lookalike, in a tight waistcoat, throw an oven over bales of hay. Swallow is a detective who tackles vandalism. It was very crowded; I found myself in a last-minute rush for the one remaining seat beside a tall, good-looking man with collar-length hair, it was the seventies; buckaroo! In badminton, if you win a rally, you get one point. But as I listened through the darkness I realized that something far worse was going on. Battered. Alan Partridge: [raising his wine glass] Here's to our future relationship at the BBC. Lynn Benfield: But if you do, you can keep Pear Tree Productions going with a skeleton staff of two, and Alan Partridge: There's no point finishing the sentence, Lynn, because I am not driving a Mini-Metro. And while I was there, I saw some graffiti and it said 'I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.' ", 8. Alan Partridge: I will not have uncleansed coffee cups in Pear Tree Productions. Which ironically is like a large petrol station. ", Alan responds to Irish history: If it was just the potatoes that were affected, at the end of the day you will pay the price if youre a fussy eater., Alan responds to being fired: Smell my cheese!, Alan on the Daily Mail: Its arguably the best newspaper in the world. Tim Chester was Senior Editor, Real Time News in Los Angeles. My marriage fell apart soon after that. Lynn, I pierced my foot on a point! I looked up at the window and waved and laughed and dressed and mused on how fantastic it was to have colleagues who could share practical jokes like this. I'll just wait for it to finish. I cut it right in half, right? Alan Partridge: Ah, that is the best Valentine's Day I've had in eight years. Alan Partridge: Well, then, you must be a full moon! "[My assistant]" I can read you like a book. Two chocolate mousses. getty images Certainly not 'Bravo Two Zero' by Andy McNabb. Alan: "Thanks a lot! And not a very good book. 2023. My girlfriend's 33. Top Alan Partridge Lynn Quotes Appearance rules the world. But I suppose shes a bit like Burt Reynolds. Not my words, Michael, the words of Shakin Stevens. ), I push up my jacket sleeves and use both arms to sweep an enormous mound of earth from behind me and into the hole like a couple of arm bulldozers. This is der Autobahn! Quotes.net. ago. He comes out. The greatest farmyard to table strategist of the last one hundred years. Alan Partridge: Why are you wearing that snazzy cardigan? You are someone who has a proven track record for making mostly bad television programs. He drinks that yellow stuff in tins. 25. Do you know what this room tells me? Aqua. Minor repairs. There is never any graffiti in the hotel. In volleyball, if you win a rally, you get one point. The series was nominated for three BAFTAs (winning two), two British Comedy Awards (winning both), and a Royal Television Society award. Stop! I am invited to be the first to throw earth into the grave. They taught you a trade. By NME Blog. A great memorable quote from the I'm Alan Partridge movie on Quotes.net - Alan Partridge: You smiled then, Lynn.Lynn: No, I didn't.Alan Partridge: Yes, you did. Which is French for water. Would you say, bearing in mind he's depressed and has respiratory problems, would you say 'Go and take that blusher off you mis-shapened elephant tranny'? Throughout the questions I will be remaining impartial at all times. Let's not get into who hit who or, you know, who may have deserved it. Da, da, da - and now a really big bounce right over and I land on my feet. [a pause as Alan tries to think of something else]. Alan Partridge: Well there's no need for that! Tony Hayers: If you don't do it, Sky will. [Alan is having lunch with Tony Hayers, a senior BBC executive]. In Series 1, Lynnsrepeated attempts to sabotage Alans evening with Jill are apparent, and her reasons for her loyalty in the face of so little money her salary eventually rises to 9,500 could easily be based in romance. [Tony shakes his head again] 'Arm Wrestling with Chas and Dave'. 17. On sex (again): "I'm going to hump ya, like Deputy Dawg would hump ya. All Rights Reserved. Before that, he was Deputy Editor at NME.COM, overseeing content and development on the London-based music and entertainment site. Urrgh. Part of HuffPost Entertainment. - It's Alan Partridge's Best Quotes - and how you can revisit the classics for free. Alan Partridge: I think he'll be a bit tougher than that, Lynn. (talking to representative of a farming union): If you see a lovely field with a family having a picnic, and there's a nice pond in it, you fill in the pond with concrete, you plough the family into the field, you blow up the tree, and use the leaves to make a dress for your wife who's also your brother. Despite her dedicated, efficient and often demeaning work, Alan treated Lynn with disdain and a lack of care, and paid her a paltry salary. I would've taken it off sooner but I was having a fascinating conversation with the proud father of Norfolk's most sun-tanned child. Either way it's incest. Range Rover blackened, a little muscle. He's, he's necking with her. Alan Partridge Quotes Each quote on this page will make you groan. Alan Partridge: You work in a petrol station Michael. Who is French for water. 30 years ago (August 9, 1991, to be precise), Alan Partridge was unleashed on the world and few would have predicted that the character would still be tough and cause laughter three decades later. and they're looking down at all the little chickens and they think they're in an aeroplane because all the other chickens are so small. Bounce Back: A Book That Has Been Described As Lovely Things. Dr. No Vocal Cords. Welcome back. Alan Partridge: Can you fingerprint a sausage? Jill smiles at him], [Alan is on a date with Jill at an owl sanctuary]. [Another short pause before the penny drops], Estate Agent: Sure, sure! Scroll to see our top deal picks for Feb. 28. As I'm sure, er, as I'm sure you are, sir. Robert Moon: Well, the way things is going, I dunno Alan Partridge: Can you just answer "yes", for the purposes of a joke? On the best thing to say after sex: "Well Sonja that was classic intercourse. I don't agree with that, but I don't like hairy women., Like a good-looking John Merrick, mine was a face that looked really shit., Now, this is an uncomfortable thing to discuss, but I run towards discomfort like a man who has strapped truth explosives to his body and made his peace with God., As I write these words Im noisily chomping away on not one, but two Murray Mints. Glanalangalangalangalangalang! Alan Partridge: Michael, release the headmaster! So, er, thanks. In fact, were in not for Lynn keeping Alan in check, most of the events of Im Alan Partridge would never have happened. "Lynn, get rid of . Like the Cook Report, but with a more slapstick approach. This book would fit ideally into, er, an attache case or the thigh pocket of a pair of fashionable combat trousers. [Alan is having his disturbing recurring daydream of himself as a male stripper]. Peter Linehan: Has he given you another series? Alan looks behind him and speaks to someone in the distance, out of shot]. By signing up to the Mashable newsletter you agree to receive electronic communications One yank, all gone. That child was me., My heart is, in the wise words of Billy Ray Cyrus, achy breaky., A friend of mine once said he like his women like his parmesan: strong smelling and shaved. That's terrible. It was a perfect storm of no sleep, no wife, and angry brushes whirring towards me. Britain has some of the safest roads in Europe. Both valid. 11. Erm, do you know you've got chocolate on your face? Alan Partridge: Oh, about. I confused the boys. Michael: Oh, right. Picture that for a second - a blob of tofu the size and shape of a brain. You know what this room says to me? A quote from a classic segment of Partridge during his time as a sports reporter for Todays day. Alan answers it, it's Michael]. Alan Partridge: I do like that toilet. Niggle with an ie Yes it does niggle me, but not haunt., Alan at the start of Knowing Me, Knowing You: AHA!, Alan during various sporting events: Eat my goal! / That was liquid football., Alan after sex: Well Sonja that was classic intercourse. Lynn Benfield: Well, Alan, if you want a Rover 200 you're going to have to sack everyone at Pear Tree Productions. That's all I wanted to know. Michael: [Speaking too quickly] Ye knaw, what ah reckon is that, if they had the'selves proper jobs, they wouldn't be up to all this, y'know, larkin' every night. Alan Partridge: Have I got a second series? Alan Partridge: Smell my cheese, you mother! Nonetheless, beautiful song. Estate Agent: Could swing a tiger in here, really! You might want to read your Daily Express. Hitler's in his box, Jesse Owens just waved to him. 21. He almost got dirty. Alan Partridge: I'm being bawdy, Lynn. Michael: So, are we having the full English breakfast? All wrapped up in a pretty little bow. And that, was a gooooooal! They look around and say, Were teaming up, this could be our mansion. But, er, they're very nice. Which actually improves with every read. Lynn Benfield : Well, Alan, if you want a Rover 200 you're going to have to sack everyone at Pear Tree Productions. So, er, thanks. OK, uh small-talk. 8. Gladiators Jet to host a Millennium Barn Dance at Yeovil Airfield. Correctly watched. united states. You promised that this show would be hot and now you're chatting to three senior citizens." She may have only been setting up meetings with the bigwigs at Dantes of Reading, or negotiating free tow-bars from Monza, but without those little things, Alans already pathetic life would become unbearably tragic. Nevertheless, nice song. Alan Partridge: Um. Alan Partridge: Right. It's like being inside an enormous Fox's Glacier Mint, which again, to me, is a bonus. paul mccartney Bye! Alan Partridge: Yeah, I've just been eating some mousse. I mean medium height. You're sacked! I said, you too to a new face. Everyone's here. A detective series based in Norwich called "Swallow". So they ride the money, bang a few heads together. . Not that you'd find these ladies at a bingo hall, of course they're altogether a higher class of fat lady. All I got there was "broken homes". Either way, one of us is falling apart. 1 Mar. But what is the burning issue? Baby, you're the best. I've not thought it through, Lynn. 22. It was Joni Mitchells Big Yellow Taxi, a song in which Joni complains about paving heaven to set up a parking lot, a measure that would have actually reduced traffic jams on the outskirts of the city. [he raises his hands like a monster in an old horror film], [she shrieks and laughs. I crouch down and, unsure of how much to put in (why dont they just tell you? I'm Alan Partridge (series 1 and 2), I, Partridge, Alpha Papa, Nomad, This Time Do you deny that? Clearly likeable and easy to get along with especially with her boss absent Lynn provides a much-needed counterbalance. Yawn and scratch. That's alright, that's OK "Inner-City Sumo". It would burst wouldn't it? Right, now you'll like this "Knowing M.E., Knowing You". beloved Britons such as Intermediate and Peep Show. Alan Partridge: That was Big Yellow Taxi by Joni Mitchell, a song in which Joni complains they 'Paved paradise to put up a parking lot', a measure which actually would have alleviated traffic congestion on the outskirts of paradise, something which Joni singularly fails to point out, perhaps because it doesn't quite fit in with her blinkered view of the world. Y'know, makes yeh wonder what it's all aboot. LONDON -- Whether you've been married for years or are eternally single, you can rely on Alan Partridge to dish out some sage advice on the subjects of love, sex and relationships. Tony Hayers: We don't owe you a living. Alan Partridge: Yeah, Michael, I was just saying to Susan, bit of a job for you, unfortunately some vandals have sworn all over my car again. It's going to be terrible and I need to see it immediately. 'Lynn, these are sex people!' getwestlondon.
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