Hi! The day he chatted he just really want a date for that day and as we go along he confess to me that he has a crush on me since 6th grade and told me he really want to have relationship with me in high school but didnt make it because he think of me highly that he is afraid he gets dump by me so the ending he courted my bestfriend. So I like to know what hes doing or who hes with for peace of mind. Which was Im looking so bad I dont want neighbours to see me like this. Ive been with my boyfriend for 2 years and recently he has started to change. This is where my first question comes in: how well do you know your boyfriend? Its like you are not even there. He does have some medical issues, but seems to be taking care of most of them, he also says he does suffer from depression and I am wondering if this is what is happening. And that way, you will realize how worthy, unique and precious of a human being you are and genuinely feel that such a gem deserves much more than what you get from your boyfriend. I really get frustrated with him often because he does not want to let me go, but yet he can not do what I ask of him. You will end up hating yourself. Things are getting better as we learn about his condition and learn the tools to manage conflicts between us. So yeah after that we began talking and calling. But when it comes to his business he always asks for my help and Im always putting things aside to help him. Id rather focus my energy on someone who can! From what i have learned about him, I know he is someone who does not really know what dating is. I am an emotional person and I tend to cry. And now a year & half down the line we seem to be in a rut. [1] The key to solving any problem is understanding the underlying cause. I feel like it would be easier being single which I dont want cuz hes a great guy other wise. I love him so much but I cant help but question if his effort is a reflection of his interest. I am doing all the work for us. I told him I loved him and the only reason why I would ever leave him is if he cheated on me. It doesnt have to be a big, heavy relationship talk! Instead of wishing things were different, practice accepting the fact that you cant change your boyfriend or make him want to spend time with you. Doing this you will find out more about yourself. You want him to want you. Need. This is literally me. Within the past 2 years. I felt confident with my decision to part. hes always busy at work. He confess to me that he started to love in our 1 month relationship. Hes an atheist, and slowly his mocking of God and Christianity began to affect my own believes. He is trying to save the world on his own. I got to see him in person for the first time and we were in love. He said he wants to make this relationship work but he cant even communicate which is important. I sacrifice so much for him & he doesnt even show it. So thats why he wasnt there and because his board broke. Or he took them off somewhere he shouldnt have between home and work and left them or maybe regifted to one of his cohort? I bought so much things to do for his birthday . Is your boyfriend an emotionally unavailable man? I just feel stupid and I kinda want to give up on him. But hes never done anything at my house even though he says he will help me out. And mind you the beginning of relationship we always traveled and did things together. He was fine with it so we just started to say it to each other. I was very prioritized in his life before but now he does not want to place me as high on his priority list anymore. I thought after he quit his job he would have no excuse, but now he just puts even more time into video games. When ALL grocery stores near us are closed saying I dont feel like cooking tonight, we dont have all the ingredients so I say ok why is it that you didnt notice this when you got home from work when stores were open? Me and him didnt talk much because my mom found out more about my bf and i also couldnt sneak ipads anymore. That will show me he doesnt plan on committing for the long haul. And silly me, I was waiting for his reply all night.I know hes got alot to deal with rn and all Im asking for is a time-to-time update so I can be at peace.Is that too much to ask for? I am still sad and confused as to what happened. If, for example, your boyfriend is dealing with work stress, emotional health issues or family problems then you can might want to give him some time and space. From what you said, he seriously dont appreciate you. For the first year or two with him, I never had any problems with needing reassurance and words of affirmation from him because he always did it so well. It was all too perfect in the beginning and I was fearful. He wanted to hang out everyday which at first I though was strange but I started to so after while it was weird for both of us to not be around each other every day. Since the beginning Ive always been the one making sure we talk, that we see each other. He is making zero effort for me. Also expected to cook, clean, do the laundry, take care of our pet. I dont want to push him away. Losing the He says he feels out of touch with his emotions, and he doesnt know how to think or handle them. He had stopped taking pictures of me, he stopped liking my pictures in social media, the gifts stopped, and overall I felt as a hassle when I hung out with him. I mentallyI dont understand the action itself . Everything I say he interprets as me hating him. The beginning of our relationship was heaven, as what most relationships are. I would like him to make effort, look up someplace Id like and invite me to go. We talked about it seriously the 2nd year. We usually see each other every weekend but he normally works 6 days a week, 10 hours a day so we actually spend less than 24 hours a week with each other. There is no consistency. He doesnt have any plans in those days and still he can not make an effort to spend that day with me, meanwhile I have 2 birthday parties and was ready to ditch them to spend time with him. I could have written that. recently,his uncle and fam went to visit them and its been quiet hectic for him with three energetic kids pestering him every moment. He said hes tired or too busy. This leaves us hanging on in hopes they will be that guy again. I dont think he would see it this way at all. Why should women do all the work no they shouldnt it should be a mutual thing. Another thing that bothers me is he will ask me about my day or some other question, then when I answer, he switches the subject back to himself. Once I asked him for a selfie and he said no because he thought I only did it to prove something to people. I dont know if Im being dramatic but its just hard sometimes when you feel like you love someone more than they love you. Or do I allow that this person has already shown me who they are, and leave? The bonus to this approach? Hes not as affectionate, he doesnt help me plant my flowers, & he doesnt go to bed when I do. All I think of him is selfish & inconsiderate of everyones feelings but his own. Besides, if hes almost 60, he might be a little old for you. I wasnt allowed to talk to my bf but i did anyways like every night but i couldnt talk on zoom or ppl would hear me. Can Your Husbands Affair Be Good for Your Marriage? How come? Or, ask them for more details. This weekend I called for a break, and told him we should spend time apart. After that he chatted me that hes sorry he didnt give the money and I said im not accepting money for sex. Hes just happy having me in his life because Im supportive and loving but I dont see much effort on his side except when he really wants to do things he really likes. His mother is mentally ill and they are recently estranged. for example, yesterday, he gave me a box of chocolates only because his mom made him and i usually have to make the first moves, even if its something simple as reaching out to hold hands. Im so tired picking up after someone that cant even lift a finger to help me clean the mess he made. I do far too many things for him. He is mechanical and can fix many things. Maybe you feel grateful when your boyfriend finally decides to stop by at 10 pm, without calling first. He really hurt me in the past (when we werent together) regarding other girls but hes never actually done anything when weve been going out. If your boyfriend never made an effort to begin with, then he may simply be lazy or indifferent to building and maintaining a relationship with you. So, literally, he gives me a quick peck before he goes to work and at least TELLS me he loves me. Maybe not right now but sooner than 5 years from now, of that I am certain. When I ask him about it hes adamant that he still wants to be with me for the long haul and that he still loves me the way that he did when we met, which I feel so bad for doubting but its just so hard not to when things change like that. Which actually does NOT suck because I was married for 24 years and I dont miss having to make sure someone eats supper, has clean clothes, etc. But I feel like its a symptom of that reoccuring issue of ours where he just doesnt put effort in to connect. Hi. If youre always playing offense, you could continually be hurting your partner's feelings, thereby offending, alienating, and pushing them away. I want to make things work. They just seems like some eords. Which really confuses me. I think him doing that even though you have said you arent okay with it is extremely disrespectful and shows he doesnt care about your feelings. He has always been lazy and wants to spend his day relaxing on his days off. Its completely up to me to provide the conversation and topics, which is rather stressful for me 2 years in. Then, this guy comes up to me and asks if I was new there. And making me look like a beast, I spoke with that lady and she felt bad for the text she send me, she even offered to take me out, I agreed to that, she was telling me how his boyfriend has been suspecting the two of them, how his boyfriend has been mistreating Herr and my guy has been always their for her, I believed everything she was telling me, I was still angry with my guy because he lied, one Sunday I received a call from my boyfriends friend, he told me that my guy has been having an affair with his girlfriend from January, he even showed me some photos, my guy and that lady were kissing, even he bought flowers for her on valentines day, I couldnt believe that the guy Ive known for 2yrs can do that to me, after the news I went to my guys house at 9pm, guess what? Its so hard due to his work ,he still trying his best to see me at least thats what he told me. Stacey Laura Lloyd is an author with a passion for helping others find happiness and success in their dating lives as well as in their relationships. I am getting back to a new normal. Its been almost 2 yrs with him and I hot him gifts ( handmade thoughtful gift and a tshirt) he hot me nothing for my bday. I wish he understood how confused and unloved this makes me feel. Ive been upset ever since and its only been a week but Im feeling really low and I have bad anxiety in general but its been worse lately because of him. Somewhere around the last 2-3 months have been nothing but fights. Web206 views, 11 likes, 2 loves, 2 comments, 2 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Andr Lima - EFT: O PODER DO PERDO. He dosnt wnt to sex i know that well. Were both in high school now. Im going through the same thing now. I'm Laurie, creator of Uprooted She Blossoms and author of Growing Forward When You Can't Go Back. My boyfriend of three years got me a card. I finally had to let him go. Its been almost two years and weve been inseparable ever since but lately it seems like something has changed. we are a college couple of 2.5 years now. Im still not brave enough to leave him though he was my first long term and Ive had the best time of my life with him. WebiStock. NO CLEANING. I have 2 dogs who give me so much love and fulfillment. i cried a lot i asked myself will i love him back after knowing everything. Except for the kissing part and in my case i see him even less (once a month) but in my case he lost several family members since Ive known him so i know hes dealing with that. He understood, admitted he takes me fore granted and he would try harder. Its sad when other give you the compliments that you are looking from in one person. He is a very patient and calm person. I just feel like that is so little reassurance for what would be 7 years together, that we would have the possibility to then just maybe live together. Me and my boyfriend have been together for over a year, but we have known each other for 10 years. i just wish he would be more emotionally available. He knows more about me than I do apparently. He was very affectionate and gentle towards me and would make it a point to call me every day, the first maybe 2-3 months of our relationship. I said ok. Thank you for taking the time to type the words in your comment. But theres one time where I got really mad and told him what i feel about everything and he said he was sorry and he tell me how much he loves me. This became such an issue that, we fight basically every days I do everything to make his life easier. He did call me every morning like he said for a week. Over the past 2 months something changed. But I cant help but fear the same thing would happen again anytime soon.Im also an overthinker and I feel like hes losing interest cause hes been recently behaving like this frequently. No texting. He is failing to realize that I am being affected too. I encouraged him to ask for help through his cohort and luckily one of them came through and got him this great job at the investment firm he works at. You can let go slowly at first and just start seeing other people. Do you have an suggestions on what I should do? I feel like my boyfriend of 5 years doesnt really care anymore. Just know, that you DO deserve love in this relationship. I know it was all my fault and wish i could fix things! The day before yesterday he texted me saying hes been feeling unwell and didnt get much sleep. i would say hes a selfish person because all he cares is himself. What he is doing and how he is treating you is disgusting. We havent been intimate in almost 2 years and when I asked him he says hes not turned on ? If, say, youre a non-stop talker, you frequently talk over your partner, tend to interrupt, and just aren't a good listener, they'll stop sharing their innermost thoughts and feelings because they don't feel "heard." Are you expecting more from your boyfriend than he can give? Never happened. Not to mention, our second date was going to look at a puppy he was looking at after meeting my dog. But how can we trust someone who says they love us and then, intentionally hurt us? 1) You would start to see your boyfriend noticing how positive, content and a happy individual you are turning out to be suddenly, and then wonder if therell be any other guys whod potentially be eyeing youbecause you are really becoming such a happy and lovely girl. Please take some money you get from promotion and go to Counseling to help you. Its up and down. We are the prize, we have to make them earn us. Been with my boyfriend 2 years.he told me he smokes pot, which than i said im not supporting your habbit (which i meant financially). Works always. He didnt get me anything. If so, you have to trust that your relationship can handle this temporary lull in affection and attention. At first, he was working, seeing his daughter, making me coffee in the morning, starting my car for me, doing dishes, and laundry and now ten months in, he lost his job, and I have no idea if hes looking for a job. But anyway recently it just feels like hes not trying to be romantic or even putting much in, Ik our situation is very complicated and he is probably dealing with his dad still but I have to help my nana everyday and I still make time for him, send him cute messages like I made some welsh cakes I was thinking I could drop some off and give you a little peck as kind of a joke and he just replied with no dont do that. Right now I feel like Im an inconvenience to him. The first time I actually felt MORE irritated. The point is if a man cares enough about his future wife and son would he want them to be safe and help them move to become a family.. Kiki, I do not like what you said about being the one who travels back and forth. Fine, dont come. It has still been difficult for me since we spent so much time together. He nolonger would make as much effort, like call or text to check on me. As stated above, knowing what your boyfriend is going through (ex trauma, personal grief, work load) is important and all, but also knowing how you would act if you were in a similar situation gives you answers and peace. It makes me jealous he could spend time playing games with her not me. He would change his mind a lot from going to his home state to staying and ever since hes been on and off in our relationship and very careless he doesnt put effort into it after everything I HAVE DONE FOR HIM. Should I just never expect to be treated the way he used to treat me? I am literally in the exact same position. Maybe he doesnt want to look like a fool. Now i think ill do my best to be nice to him for some time and if he doesnt change i leave him.. Is it ok for wait and see for his cahnge? I got upset and she said she was done being friends with me so yeah that happened. I used to brag up the fact that he was one of those guys who would actually reply to all of a lengthy message so to speak but lately he ignores a lot of whats said as if he just doesnt care. i asked if he was going to write in his and he flipped his lid. Because you are a happy individual yourself, he would feel lucky to share his life with you. What should I do? Landis Bejar is a New York State Licensed Mental Health Counselor and the founder of AisleTalk: Consultation & Therapy. I asked him why he didnt and I wasnt yelling I only needed just an explanation. Thanks for your confidence in a random stranger. I am the first gf my bf ever had and theres only so much I can pin on that reason. Im in school full time until July 2023 and though I have a flex pt job at Amazon, the hours and job itself is so crappy. Did his feelings change? This is all so contradictory and Im confused about our relationship. Even when I have my moments he still comes back around. You should definitely read the book why men love b*tches this really goes into depth on why men do that. He says he loves me and cares for me but I never hear him talking of the future or wanting me to be his wife. If youve been together for a long time (a 7 or 8 on that relationship scale at the beginning of this article), then maybe you can see that your boyfriend isnt making an effort because hes dealing with serious issues in other parts of his life. Communicate with him without fighting. Are you still in your relationship? But I understand coz hes really busy at work. I cook everyday, wash his clothes, iron them do all the housework and look after the kids. When I first met him I didnt think I needed a relationship but now especially in this lockdown I feel a little empty and alone. I am sad, let down, depressed, jealous of every woman out there, sexually frustrated beyond comprehension. I always let him initiate texting. The middle of this relationship scale is a 5: youve been dating for a year or more, and you know each other fairly well. I asked him to spend Memorial Day with me shocker he forgot and made other plans. I realized how I stopped wearing some clothes because he didnt like them, for example. He gets angry and its caused a lot of fights lately. My birthday weekend was really rough. He doesnt come over, we dont go on dates. But i want to fix this again. All I want is for us to share things I love together and not just his hobbies and interests. I am tired of him not making a plan and his sudden switch in personalities. If I try to go out of the way to show gratitude, he insists I dont care. This guy never learned to be a good partner, and it sounds like he doesnt know how to try now, either. I dont want to talk about marriage or kids or the future. I havent felt loved in so long and ever since we started doing long distance, I feel like Im always putting in effort to do a lot of small things for him just to cheer him up but he doesnt think about doing anything special for me. Don't be antagonistic towards him, but make him realize how much you He never wants to go anywhere or do anything. I had stated in the beginning of the relationship I wanted marriage. I truly dont know what to do.. Ive been with my bf for 3 years now and were expecting. Fast forward to after the trip, he rolled back into town and expected me to be completely free for him to come over to loaf around my apartment. You are worth it. But no. We cuddled and played video games until 5 am and they took me home. I am right there with you and share very similar feelings. Since a month or so these fights are causing me to have panic attacks and he doesnt care when tell him how much it affects me. Then we started to fight about it a lot because I always felt like I wasnt a priority and was only worth his time when he wasnt with friends or he was horny. Another thing is that my relationship with him heavily influenced my religion. I want to be with him but Im also scared that Im wasting my young years and wake up one day regretting not leaving bc he isnt going to change how he is for me or at least try for me. I hate to say it maybe he did something he wasnt so suppose to and felt guilty leading him to end things. I even asked around to see if anyone knew what happened and no one did. I think I should take a relationship break but dont want to lose him. 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he stopped giving me attention